Resilience

The night before they began 12/22/2014 harvesting and transplanting tissue for my facial reconstruction, the nurses stopped calling me by my name. They spoke only in measurements, as if my identity could somehow be folded into a chart.

It was the night before my life would forever be divided into before and after.

I remember trying to memorize everything.

I remember my husband resting his forehead against mine, as if he could carry some of my fear for me.

I was terrified.

Not just of the surgery—but of everything that came after. What if I didn’t make it through? What if I couldn’t face the version of life waiting for me on the other side?

Looking back at this photo now, I don’t just see fear.

I see love refusing to let go.

I see a husband silently telling me, “I’ve got you.”

Neither of us knew the battles we were about to face—the scars, the chemotherapy, the radiation, the tears, or the days we would both wonder how much more we could endure.

But somehow... here we are.

Over the course of 30 facial reconstruction surgeries, my journey changed me in ways I never could have imagined.

Then, in 2022, I shared a decision with my surgeons that surprised them.

I told them I would not be pursuing any more tweaking or debulking procedures.

I had spent a long time in prayer and had a heartfelt conversation with Almighty God. Through that, I found peace.

I realized I no longer wanted to chase perfection, because true beauty comes from within.

This wasn’t about giving up.

It was about embracing who I am.

I know I am beautiful, just as I am, and I no longer feel the need to pursue perfection. My worth has never been defined by my appearance, but by the person I am on the inside.

A little scarred.

A little softer.

And infinitely more grateful.

If you’re standing on the edge of something terrifying, I hope you know this:

Fear and hope can exist within the same heartbeat.

Sometimes the bravest thing you’ll ever do is simply show up for tomorrow.

And when you do, you may one day look back and realize that what you thought would break you... became the very thing that revealed your strength.

Today, I’m not proud because I survived.

I’m proud of the woman I became. ❤️